Uncle Jesse Rides His Pommel Horse Into the Sunset

There are really only a few things you need to know about Never Too Young to Die

1. Gene Simmons of KISS plays a transsexual criminal mastermind. The band actually had to cancel part of a tour to allow him to film the movie. In retrospect, they probably regretted that decision.
2. John Stamos, in his pre-Full House stardom days, stars as a college gymnast who is the son of a secret agent (played by George Lazenby, who played THE secret agent, James Bond, in On Her Majesty's Secret Service) who is killed by Simmons. Stamos must use his inherited secret agent skills and, presumably, his gymnastics acumen, to both avenge his father's death and save the world from the evil gender-bending menace.
3. Vanity, the Prince protégé who had cut ties with her mentor and dropped out of Purple Rain a couple of years prior, co-stars as a Bond-girl-style sidekick, whose name is, I'm not kidding, Danja Darjeeling. She probably sorely regretted ditching Purple Rain after this.
4. The future Freddy Krueger, Robert Englund, also turns up as Simmons' evil assistant.

What's that you say? I had you at Gene Simmons playing a transsexual criminal mastermind? That's what I thought.

Also, in keeping with the It Came From the 80's theme, we will be screening this movie without the benefit of a laptop, DVD player, or other digital source. Instead, we will be utilizing an archaic, late-20th-century piece of analog technology known as the "Video Cassette Recorder", which plays what was known as a "Video Home System" cassette tape. Some of you may even remember having these devices in your homes as children. Come one, come all, to watch this antique in action.

We'll be watching this classic this coming Wednesday, August 11, and we'll get things started around 9 p.m., or a little after, as per usual. Feel free to bring a drink, a snack, and/or a friend.